Society is a bastard. Society creates and then preys on our fears. Society makes messes of every situation. It sells and rapes women, it beats and starves children, and it clones men into monsters. Society is a beast of burden too weak to carry its own load; ugly, toothless, dragging a rusty cart behind it with a limp, so unintelligent that it won't stop crying out hideously, so repugnant that flies dare not land on its greasy fur. Society, however cannot take the fault. For we make up society. Our actions bend it, our movements move it. Our beliefs, attitudes, actions, civility, greed, selflessness, rage, generosity, humility, and pride: these confusing strains of emotion pool in the deepest areas of our culture, permeate every aspect of our lives, and from the murky wastes of our own fear and self-loathing rises our society: a society that has replaced manhood with ignorance.
When faced with the question of what makes a male a man, the church has not risen to meet the challenge of protecting this sacred title, but has rather fallen into society's ghastly trap. As a result, even in the church are found boys who think they are men, simply because they have a wife, a child, a car, a job, large muscles, an erection, etc. They think that because they are older, they are manlier.
But age does not define anyone. Neither does material possessions or physical attributes. If a woman's worth is not based on her body, neither should be a man's. While we push for "equality," we trample men who do not meet our egocentric ideals – completely worthless ideals when it comes to raising a family, or being a loving husband.
This problem is everywhere. Look around you. Do you know any man who feels completely comfortable shedding tears the same way a woman would, bearing his soul the same way a woman would? Probably not. This isn't because no such man exists, but rather because emotional men have been taught to hide in a shell of cool, toughness. Society sees them cry for someone they love, and it shames them for feeling, for loving. It sees them open up about their pain, and it gawks in mockery. But we mustn't blame society. We created this.
Stretched in opposite directions, while being fed the fictional idea that hurting, feeling pain, and expressing it is a sign of weakness (and "men" are supposed to be "strong"), men are still expected upon marriage to be able to communicate their misgivings to their wife. You'll hear a woman mockingly saying that her husband does not express how he feels, and she has to dig answers out of him. But she's the one who made him such a "strong" man.
The main problem with this ideology is that this pretense of strength is an inherent weakness. The inability to feel the hurt of others is detrimental to every relationship, and the emotional cowardice it takes to hide all pain is certainly not a sign of strength. Those who feel deeply and express their agony and are mocked for it – bearing this horror is true strength. Crying does not make one weak. Being tough doesn't make one a man.
This is not the only place where society has defecated upon the standard of manhood. There are fundamental attributes to manliness, and none of them are measured in rep-weights, turbo chargers, height, muscle tone, or beard-mass. While those things can exist on/with real men, they are easy to replicate, and are therefore often props that boys use to pretend to be men.
One fundamental attribute that begins the process of manhood is simple responsibility. The ability to admit to error or to look after what has been entrusted to us. The inability to be wrong, to admit defeat, to protect those in your care: this is a sign of boyhood. As males or aspiring men, however, we will be held accountable for the souls of our families. A bratty child with a beard is therefore not only unequipped for the job, but grossly underqualified.
The issue that arises in the church is one of "purity." In attempting to be wary lest they cause our men to "stumble," women have overstepped their boundaries of spiritual leadership – because so many males have pressed them to do so. It is not a woman's responsibility to keep a man from sinning. It is his. Eve may have tempted Adam, but it was still his choice to take a bite. As a man, it falls on our shoulders to choose not to sin, whether our sisters be adorned in a burka or a bikini. If we are really so strong as we claim, it is a burden we ought to handle with ease.
While the church endorses rape-apology through its heinous worship of physical appearance, instilling fear into the hearts of young women, teaching them that their brothers are all sexual monsters and cannot help but lust after them, every party involved is unequivocally damaged. Young women are taught to fear men and their sensuality, and young men are taught that they are sexual pigs and have no hope of fighting the battle against lust. This is, of course, absolute cow tripe. With the responsibility placed on the women, men are relinquishing their own responsibilities, giving up the position of spiritual leadership for the illustrious position of selfish, sexual, leadershit.
Unfortunately, with the loss of responsibility, men have exceedingly lowered expectations. We are told over and over that there is no point in fighting our lust because we are sexual beasts, and then people wonder why when we have given up. But we must be men. No matter the expectations of other humans, we still have a responsibility before God to be spiritual leaders. To be fighters. To be brave. But have we been?
While we claim to be men, we refuse to fight for the title of manhood. We allow a few worthless males with lustful dispositions and no stomach to fight it completely define our entire gender. We sit back on our haunches, boasting on our strength, while being too cowardly to defend our God-given role. These are muscular cowards, these are big boys. And these are certainly not men.
If taking responsibilities for your immature, sexual, egotistical minds is too hard to handle, put your diaper back on and stop calling yourself a man. Go roll around in BBQ sauce and be prepared to be devoured, because the only one who is truly a sexual pig is the one who doesn't have the testicular fortification to stand his ground when he is tempted; the one who is so much of a "man" that he is letting the women fight his battles. The one who is so afraid of falling, that he has given up completely.
There is much more to say on the issue of manhood, given that it seems to be almost completely killed off by our idolatrous and Pharisaical hands. The important message to take away from this, however, is that if you have the audacity to call yourself a man, live like one. Take responsibility for yourself. Fight for your spiritual role. Fight for the integrity of your gender. Fight for the protection of the women we are throwing under the bus. Fight for your title.
But first, Earn it.
Sources:
The Krusty Sage Talks Yoga Pants - Brant Hansen
Pursuing a Higher Purity - Stephanie Kehr
